On Eating “Old Beijing Fried Enema”

“Why not start today with a plate of freshly-fried old enema,” I thought. It was bright, garish, and advertised on the wall. “It must be good.”

It wasn’t.

Dripping in oil and yet crispy enough to snap a molar, it tasted like a bad plate of pork cracklings. The dipping sauce — chopped garlic in water — left it with a flavor and me with a breath from hell.

I’d assumed “enema” was a gross mismangling of “sausage” — 灌肠 can mean either. But I was wrong.

The name was an augury of what you’d need after lunch.

On Eating a Steaming Hot Bowl of Sweet AIDS Soup

“I’ll have the AIDS soup,” I said.

It wasn’t officially called AIDS soup. Not now. Shortly after I’d blogged about their deviant menus, the restaurant had crossed out every appearance of the word “AIDS” with a sharpie. Now it was simply “Strong Tibetan Sheep Placenta Nourishing Soup [XXXX].”

Still a mouthful.

But I’d had a few beers, and scraped at the sharpie with my fingernail. The AIDS came back. Now I knew what I was getting. Strong Tibetan Sheep Placenta Nourishing Soup AIDS.

And this was what I’d come for. Continue reading “On Eating a Steaming Hot Bowl of Sweet AIDS Soup”

A Sweet Series of Chinglishy Gift Fails

Christmas wrapping paper always works well. Especially for Papa Pickles’ belated birthday present…

But the wrapping paper turned out to be a little more generic than we’d expected.

And the greeting card, which Woo bought in Bangalore, turned out to have a rather unexpected adhesive.

That’s right, as in the maxi pads.

At least we didn’t have to lick it, I guess…

Sheep Placenta AIDS Soup

Sure, every restaurant may have a maggot-filled dish called Insect Story, and what’s a Chinese restaurant without a Jacopetti-inspired Monkey Head offering (even if it is just a bowl of fried mushrooms).

I don’t know, however, of a single other Beijing restaurant that boasts acquired immune deficiency syndrome sheep placenta soup.

That’s right: AIDS soup, the most improbably-named dish at the inconsolably-named Forgotten Perfume restaurant. The small text opens with the words “A fish sex sweet,” and continues to boast this soup is great for those with “frail body, hepatosplenomegaly, and tuberculosis embolism.”

I’d also like to point out the Ecological Bullfrog Stocking…

and perhaps the meanest fish I’ve come across, the Oriental Sheatfish.

We didn’t eat there, but we were tempted. Anyone else try it out yet?

Another Mind-Blowingly Incredible Menu

After the insane Cultural Revolution restaurant menu, I didn’t think I’d ever be impressed by mistranslated food titles again. Boy, was I wrong.

Below are some of my new favorite dishes from our local duck restaurant.

One dish wasn’t mistranslated at all. And it’s my favorite… spicy, awesome, and a weird unexpected bone in the middle. Oh, yes….

As seen at JingZun Peking Duck Restaurant, No 6 Building Nouth [sic], Holiday Inn Express Opposite Chunxiu Road [sic], Chaoyang District, Beijing. 010-6417-4075.

Beijing Supermarket Sells Crack, Aisle 4

We haven’t seen this Jingkelong supermarket sign ourselves, but reader Randi sent it in, adding, “Apparently, their marketing strategy is to appeal to customers at two different ends of the spectrum — or maybe this is a brilliant plan to encourage people with a bad habit to try to offset its effects.” Classic.

膨化食品 (Pénghuà shípǐn) is actually just junk food. If you’re really looking for ready rocks, ask for “可卡因” (Kěkǎyīn).