Category Archives: Chinglish
Michelle picked this wonderful cookbook up off a shelf at Siam Paragon’s Kinokuniya.
I’m sure Poo is just her nickname. But what a great nickname it is.
Since moving to India, we’ve seen a lot of Julie.
And this is what Julie saw offered in Koramangala today.
“Why not start today with a plate of freshly-fried old enema,” I thought. It was bright, garish, and advertised on the wall. “It must be good.”
Dripping in oil and yet crispy enough to snap a molar, it tasted like a bad plate of pork cracklings. The dipping sauce — chopped garlic in water — left it with a flavor and me with a breath from hell.
I’d assumed “enema” was a gross mismangling of “sausage” — 灌肠 can mean either. But I was wrong.
The name was an augury of what you’d need after lunch.
“I’ll have the AIDS soup,” I said.
It wasn’t officially called AIDS soup. Not now. Shortly after I’d blogged about their deviant menus, the restaurant had crossed out every appearance of the word “AIDS” with a sharpie. Now it was simply “Strong Tibetan Sheep Placenta Nourishing Soup [XXXX].”
Still a mouthful.
But I’d had a few beers, and scraped at the sharpie with my fingernail. The AIDS came back. Now I knew what I was getting. Strong Tibetan Sheep Placenta Nourishing Soup AIDS.
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He was desperate to cover all his bases.
Or maybe this was just a really twisted shitter.
Christmas wrapping paper always works well. Especially for Papa Pickles’ belated birthday present…
But the wrapping paper turned out to be a little more generic than we’d expected.
And the greeting card, which Woo bought in Bangalore, turned out to have a rather unexpected adhesive.
That’s right, as in the maxi pads.
At least we didn’t have to lick it, I guess…
Sure, every restaurant may have a maggot-filled dish called Insect Story, and what’s a Chinese restaurant without a Jacopetti-inspired Monkey Head offering (even if it is just a bowl of fried mushrooms).
I don’t know, however, of a single other Beijing restaurant that boasts acquired immune deficiency syndrome sheep placenta soup.
That’s right: AIDS soup, the most improbably-named dish at the inconsolably-named Forgotten Perfume restaurant. The small text opens with the words “A fish sex sweet,” and continues to boast this soup is great for those with “frail body, hepatosplenomegaly, and tuberculosis embolism.”
I’d also like to point out the Ecological Bullfrog Stocking…
and perhaps the meanest fish I’ve come across, the Oriental Sheatfish.
We didn’t eat there, but we were tempted. Anyone else try it out yet?
Trust Me, They’re Better That Way
The onions must help mask the ear fungus scent.
Trauma Relieving Spray
A Free Shart
Seen at Xian’s Hong Kong Star Restaurant. Or ratS tnaruatseR, as it is.
After the insane Cultural Revolution restaurant menu, I didn’t think I’d ever be impressed by mistranslated food titles again. Boy, was I wrong.
Below are some of my new favorite dishes from our local duck restaurant.
One dish wasn’t mistranslated at all. And it’s my favorite… spicy, awesome, and a weird unexpected bone in the middle. Oh, yes….
As seen at JingZun Peking Duck Restaurant, No 6 Building Nouth [sic], Holiday Inn Express Opposite Chunxiu Road [sic], Chaoyang District, Beijing. 010-6417-4075.
Beijing’s Cultural Revolution Restaurant has one of the most bizarre stage shows (video here) and some entirely inappropriate fashion statements, too, but it also has one of the
worst best menus I’ve yet seen. Here are some of my favorite dishes…
We haven’t seen this Jingkelong supermarket sign ourselves, but reader Randi sent it in, adding, “Apparently, their marketing strategy is to appeal to customers at two different ends of the spectrum — or maybe this is a brilliant plan to encourage people with a bad habit to try to offset its effects.” Classic.
膨化食品 (Pénghuà shípǐn) is actually just junk food. If you’re really looking for ready rocks, ask for “可卡因” (Kěkǎyīn).