Category Archives: Chinglish

Chinglish / ,

Toilet Cum Bath

All my morning rituals, in one handy place.

toilet-cum-bath

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Cooking With Poo

Michelle picked this wonderful cookbook up off a shelf at Siam Paragon’s Kinokuniya.

cooking-with-poo

I’m sure Poo is just her nickname. But what a great nickname it is.

Oooh, it’s on Amazon…

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Chinglish / ,

Anus Dairy

The dairy that keeps on giving.

anus-dairy

(“Party orders,” too!)

/ by Dean Pickles / 2 Comments
Chinglish / ,

Bangalore Restaurant Sells “Cunt Chick”

Since moving to India, we’ve seen a lot of Julie.

And this is what Julie saw offered in Koramangala today.

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Chinglish, Extraordinary Eats / , ,

On Eating “Old Beijing Fried Enema”

“Why not start today with a plate of freshly-fried old enema,” I thought. It was bright, garish, and advertised on the wall. “It must be good.”

It wasn’t.

Dripping in oil and yet crispy enough to snap a molar, it tasted like a bad plate of pork cracklings. The dipping sauce — chopped garlic in water — left it with a flavor and me with a breath from hell.

I’d assumed “enema” was a gross mismangling of “sausage” — 灌肠 can mean either. But I was wrong.

The name was an augury of what you’d need after lunch.

/ by Dean Pickles / 1 Comment
Chinglish, Events, Extraordinary Eats / , ,

On Eating a Steaming Hot Bowl of Sweet AIDS Soup

“I’ll have the AIDS soup,” I said.

It wasn’t officially called AIDS soup. Not now. Shortly after I’d blogged about their deviant menus, the restaurant had crossed out every appearance of the word “AIDS” with a sharpie. Now it was simply “Strong Tibetan Sheep Placenta Nourishing Soup [XXXX].”

Still a mouthful.

But I’d had a few beers, and scraped at the sharpie with my fingernail. The AIDS came back. Now I knew what I was getting. Strong Tibetan Sheep Placenta Nourishing Soup AIDS.

And this was what I’d come for.

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Chinglish / ,

Kakka-Style Meat, and More Uighur Menu Mishaps

Local Xinjiang menu doubles as undiscovered Situationist/Dada manifesto…

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Chinglish / ,

Beijing Toilet Demands Seat Belts and Defence Masks, and Still Warns Against “Daop Down”

He was desperate to cover all his bases.

Or maybe this was just a really twisted shitter.

/ by Dean Pickles / 2 Comments
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A Sweet Series of Chinglishy Gift Fails

Christmas wrapping paper always works well. Especially for Papa Pickles’ belated birthday present…

But the wrapping paper turned out to be a little more generic than we’d expected.

And the greeting card, which Woo bought in Bangalore, turned out to have a rather unexpected adhesive.

That’s right, as in the maxi pads.

At least we didn’t have to lick it, I guess…

/ by Dean Pickles / 4 Comments
Chinglish, Events, Extraordinary Eats / ,

Sheep Placenta AIDS Soup

Sure, every restaurant may have a maggot-filled dish called Insect Story, and what’s a Chinese restaurant without a Jacopetti-inspired Monkey Head offering (even if it is just a bowl of fried mushrooms).

I don’t know, however, of a single other Beijing restaurant that boasts acquired immune deficiency syndrome sheep placenta soup.

That’s right: AIDS soup, the most improbably-named dish at the inconsolably-named Forgotten Perfume restaurant. The small text opens with the words “A fish sex sweet,” and continues to boast this soup is great for those with “frail body, hepatosplenomegaly, and tuberculosis embolism.”

I’d also like to point out the Ecological Bullfrog Stocking…

and perhaps the meanest fish I’ve come across, the Oriental Sheatfish.

We didn’t eat there, but we were tempted. Anyone else try it out yet?

/ by Dean Pickles / 9 Comments
Chinglish /

Ear Fungus with Onions

Trust Me, They’re Better That Way

The onions must help mask the ear fungus scent.

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Chinglish /

No Panking!

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Chinglish /

Not Just Pork Balls, But…

Dim sum offering, a few days back.

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Chinglish, Excellent Products / ,

Black Friday Special: Four Products You Shouldn’t Live Without

Trauma Relieving Spray

Krack

Clit

A Free Shart

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Chinglish / ,

Restaurant Rats

Seen at Xian’s Hong Kong Star Restaurant. Or ratS tnaruatseR, as it is.

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Bad Fish, Worse Than Roofies

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Another Mind-Blowingly Incredible Menu

After the insane Cultural Revolution restaurant menu, I didn’t think I’d ever be impressed by mistranslated food titles again. Boy, was I wrong.

Below are some of my new favorite dishes from our local duck restaurant.

One dish wasn’t mistranslated at all. And it’s my favorite… spicy, awesome, and a weird unexpected bone in the middle. Oh, yes….

As seen at JingZun Peking Duck Restaurant, No 6 Building Nouth [sic], Holiday Inn Express Opposite Chunxiu Road [sic], Chaoyang District, Beijing. 010-6417-4075.

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Chinglish / ,

Possibly the Best Menu of All Time

Beijing’s Cultural Revolution Restaurant has one of the most bizarre stage shows (video here) and some entirely inappropriate fashion statements, too, but it also has one of the worst best menus I’ve yet seen. Here are some of my favorite dishes…

Classic, eh?

/ by Dean Pickles / 3 Comments
Chinglish / , , ,

That’s just rubbish….

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Chinglish / ,

Beijing Supermarket Sells Crack, Aisle 4

We haven’t seen this Jingkelong supermarket sign ourselves, but reader Randi sent it in, adding, “Apparently, their marketing strategy is to appeal to customers at two different ends of the spectrum — or maybe this is a brilliant plan to encourage people with a bad habit to try to offset its effects.” Classic.

膨化食品 (Pénghuà shípǐn) is actually just junk food. If you’re really looking for ready rocks, ask for “可卡因” (Kěkǎyīn).

/ by Dean Pickles / 1 Comment