Snake and Scorpion Liquor, a Perfect Present

On a trip to Laos, recently, my parents found the perfect birthday present for Michelle: matching bottles of snake and scorpion booze. Recognizing the fact that my mom doesn’t drink, this strange gift oozes with awesomeness.

“Don’t drink it all at once,” my dad said. Unlike my mom, he’s a fantastic tippler.

The Ayi now claims she’s too frightened to clean the bathroom, but she’d been too frightened to clean it for years. And what’s more Chinese than liquor infused with weird crap? (Remember my experiences with snake penis booze?)

There’s another reason I’m loathe to entirely believe her. The liquid levels of the scorpion bottle appear to be falling. Laolao liquor used to touch the top of the reeds. Then the top of the pincher. Now it’s barely over the scorpion’s antennae. I’m convinced Ayi is taking sips.

Laolao — the Laotian white lightning — is notorious for viagra-like effects. So I worry about her drinking it on the job. Seems dangerous if you ask me.

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