Beijing’s incredible (and completely fake) Disneyland

I was always sad Beijing didn’t have a Disneyland for weekend fun, but it turns out we do. Well, a fake one. Not far from the center of town, at the Bajiao stop on subway Line 1, is the incredible Beijing Shijingshan Amusement Park (北京石景山游乐园). Admission was about US$1.50, and what a world of wonders lies inside!

The Park!

I know, I know, it looks a little like Disneyland.

And, if you squint, that big globe might look a little like the Epcot Center.  It’s just a coincidence, though…  the owners are clear that everything’s based on Grimm’s Fairy Tales.  Any other similarities are your own cultural bias.

Like the Dumbo Ride Elephant Ride….

Dumbo (DVD)

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and Shrek’s King Kong’s Spin

Shrek (Amazon Video)

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and those M&Ms candy ticket booths…

In fact, the park isn’t really like Disney at all.  It’s just a mishmash of all the great characters we know and love, with a little sparkle added!

Bugs Bunny is clearly tripping on some major LSD…

When he’s not getting laid, that is…

Betty Boop shows up to hawk booze…

Betty Boop: The Essential Collection, Vol. 1 (DVD)

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And the Little Mermaid’s scales are riding, ahem, a little low in the back.

The Little Mermaid (Amazon Video)

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(This ride’s name is actually “Whirling Pearls,” which sounds kinda dirty to me…)

All in all, it’s a real wild mess of copyright theft.

The wonderful Toon Town Dream World (which you may remember Andy Lau saving from future terrorists in Future X-Cops) is full of a lovely cast of characters…

A California Raisin?

That Alice in Wonderland Caterpillar?

Barry B. Benson?

In Dream World, you can even ride around in a giant bok choi or, if you prefer, a pineapple prison.

But watch out for falling rides, or crushed characters…

There was more potential pornography in Air Vagility…

…and the giant cock…

But there were rides for the kids, as well, like this sweet one where you ride in a locked cage that circles around a burning hotel.  While you’re unable to climb the ladder, or do anything really to save the guests, you do get to circle it, over and over again.

In Harry Potter‘s Adventure, they skipped the darkness of Voldemort, but did throw in a trio of awesome aliens.

To be honest, most the rides were closed, or a little lackluster.  Like this one where the cups go up, and then they go down…

But we couldn’t resist paying to go on “American Adventure.” How would the West be portrayed…  Would it be fun?  Scary?  Futuristic?  Capitalist?  Well, to start with, we had guns.  Good.  Even though they didn’t do anything, it felt safer somehow.  Here are Jason and Moy…

And then the safari began!

Yes, safari.  An incredibly dusty American safari, where you could pretend to shoot the animals.

When the Americans showed up, they weren’t too kind either.

The heads actually spun around like Linda Blair’s — but each of these cowpokes turned out to be a two-faced devil as well.  FIRE, NOW!!!!

These weren’t the best Americans, though…  The prize-winning yank was next to the Italian Flying Carpet Ride (clumsily pasted over with the word “Arabian”), at the bumper cars…

Aladdin (Two-Disc Special Edition) (DVD)

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Copyright Carelessness, Theme Parks / ,

8 Responses to Beijing’s incredible (and completely fake) Disneyland

  1. B says:

    This is hilarious.

  2. Bonnie says:

    Truly, it was the Funniest Place on Earth.

  3. Mili says:

    totally lisence it for replication

  4. nadya says:

    this could be quite an attraction. no need to go all the way to america to experience Disneyland.

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